I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
