69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
