she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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