dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
