gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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