Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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