She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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