I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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