Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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