did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
