i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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