I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
