Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
