1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
