Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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