I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everclear isn't food dammit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize