I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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