There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
