He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
These tits shall not be calmed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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