you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
