forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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