piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how drunk are you?
Several
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
