Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
