Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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