How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
