So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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