we should wear snuggies to the strip club
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
