god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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