I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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