My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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