Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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