**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
