a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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