nut hugger
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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