Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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