I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Panties = found
Randomize
