i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
