My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
