New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
