Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
