It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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