do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
