All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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