can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
