A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
