He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We have started to decorate penises.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
