I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
