Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
