Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
