Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
