I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
