Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
