college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
