Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
