I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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