She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The air taste purple.
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