Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woke up backwards on a recliner
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
