i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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