I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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