She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
