Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
