goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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